Dealing With Insecurities From Weaknesses And Backgrounds

“If we go on and on with these things, we will never feel enough. The point is, what do you have? Yes, I understand your background has this, has that. No, your background is not you, your background should not tie your back to the ground. Do not allow your background to tie you down to the ground.”

TWTsBlog: Some persons develop insecurities based on the background that they have come from. For example, economic background, family background. Whatever background or upbringing that we have that has now affected our psychic or the way we see ourselves. How can we deal with insecurities that have come from this.

Coach: This is very unique because every child goes through a particular background and upbringing. It is said that “Train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it.” And that’s why we say that education is a major input in a nation because whatever you train that child to be will form the core of the nation eventually.

Coming back to the upbringing, the background. The training a child receives is one, the criticism the child is exposed to, the harshness, the attachment, the acceptance from the parents and then the social status.

I know of someone that schooled in a state university in one of the western states and that was a problem for him because he felt he was not a graduate of a federal university in Nigeria whereas there are some other people that feel inferior because they are not graduates of an international university.

If we go on and on with these things, we will never feel enough. The point is, what do you have? Yes, I understand your background has this, has that. No, your background is not you, your background should not tie your back to the ground. Do not allow your background to tie you down to the ground.

Your background is just a level. Now, you build on it. Oh, yes, I didn’t go to a good school when I was growing up. I hear you. Now, what do you do with what you have? Leverage, build. Even if you are not able to build fast, do not let that hinder you, tie you down.

Its all in our minds, its a feeling. Its one thing to begin to think that, that will limit you, that will stop you. That person right now is doing more than what many federal university students, even many international graduates, he is doing better than them as we speak. So, if he had stayed back in that insecurity of oh, I didn’t have a good background educationally, he would never have leveraged and being what he is today.

What I say to you today is, whatever be your background, whatever be your upbringing, whatever be your exposure and experiences. Do not stop there, do not look at it as a limit. Look at it as an access to that future you want for yourself. Change that thought process, change that mindset and help yourself to pick up the pieces.

TWTsBlog: Thank you!! Word! Word! Word! In summary, our backgrounds do not define us. It is what we do with what we have as our background that actually matters. How do we build on it? What we make out of it, not what it is. What it is was what was given to us but what do we do with it? How do we build it.

We don’t let our background define us, instead we build on it and decide who we are going to be.

Some of us have inabilities, things that we cannot do or we are no good at them. Sometimes, for some of us, it is like we have weaknesses and because we have this weaknesses or things we cannot do, it becomes obvious to other people and they use it to label us or look at us in a kind of way or talk about us in a kind of way or we ourselves recognize that we are different from other people in that we can’t do this thing that other people are doing. How do we deal with insecurities in this kind of case?

Coach: Our weaknesses or our inabilities do not define us. No, they do not. I’ll like to come from the other angle, what are your strengths? I’m not saying you should use your strength as a supplement or a cover for your weakness. I’m saying that your strengths are there because they are your strongest points so, projects your strength, work on your weaknesses. You work on your weaknesses, they become strengths overtime.

I used to stutter, I said that before and I still do sometimes but I’ve now understood that weakness, that inability. I’ve now understood that when this thing comes, it happens when I begin to talk so fast and words begin to rush. When I see myself trying to stutter, I take a pause, a break and I speak again. Sometimes, I slow down and I pick my words or I change the thought process, I say something else and go back to it. I could laugh, cos I’ve now understood that weakness and I’ve worked on it.

It wasn’t easy but I had to do it for myself because I realize that I’m a person that is going to speak to people and if I’m to speak to people and I see my speech as a weakness then I will never achieve my purpose in life. So, I had to rise up from that and tell myself, You stutter, Yes, but you will still speak and make impact by speaking to people.

I take sessions, I've facilitated trainings of one hour, two hours and I’m that person that stutters yet, it doesn’t hinder my sessions because I have come to understand who I am and, I have come to understand that weakness and I’ve worked on that weakness. So, this is it, work on that weakness.

Now, many people will be tempted to try to cover it up instead of working on it. Cover it up, bury it but it keeps on hurting you, hunting you. It keeps pulling you down. Don’t do that to yourself. Deal with it, identify it and tell yourself, Yes, this thing is there. Now, what do I do about this thing.

Remember that it is the mind. Once you can feed the mind with the right information, when you have understood it, you have given your mind the right information to deal with it, when it comes, you will control it. It could be anger that is your weakness. You understand what triggers you, you understand when those triggers become explosive and you now understand what you can do when your triggers are there. So, once you’ve given yourself that information, you’ve informed your mind with respect to your weakness then, it is easy for you to handle that weakness, whatever that weakness is.

TWTsBlog: Thank you, thank you.
Coach: Also, remember that no one is perfect. That thing you look at in someone and say, that person is perfect, they are just the right fit, I can’t stand beside this person. Yes, the person may have that but there is something you have that could make you look like that. So, Yes, the person has something you don’t have but you have something that person does not have.

You may not know it, the person may hide it and you may know it but you will not even recognize it because you have looked at that person as perfect. Now, no one is perfect, everybody has a strenght or strenghts and weaknesses so, when you understand that, you would see that your weakness is not negative, your weakness is not a problem rather. Your weakness is just an area of improvement and development.

TWTsBlog: Thank you so much. I would say that from this whole conversation,

Two things have really stood out for me. The first one is that insecurity is premised on a feeling, it is premised on perception and in all cases, the root to changing it is changing how you see that situation and

Secondly, know who you are, recognise who you are, accept who you are. Don’t let someone else be the person to tell you who you are or deliver to you who you are. No, No, No. Be conscious of your strengths, be conscious of your weaknesses, be conscious of your physical attributes, recognise them, accept them, so when someone brings it to you, you are not surprised, it doesn’t make you start feeling bad. Improve on the negative parts. The ones you cannot change, accept.

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Much love! Besos!!