HANDLING INSECURITIES: Rejection, Unpopular Physical Attributes

“Nobody made anybody so, there is nothing ideal. You are the ideal you, you are the perfect you. Understand that. Change those things in your mind, thought process, crush your inner critic. That thing inside you telling you that, "you’re not enough", "this thing is a disadvantage to you", "this thing will hinder you", "this thing is not good enough for you". No, crush it. Speak back to the inner critic, and tell yourself No, I am perfect like this, my nose, my eyes, my cheeks, my lips is the perfect size to make me beautiful the way I am.”

TWTsBlog: Starting with insecurities that come from failure or negative experiences from the past. How do we come out of this?
Coach: Every form of insecurity whatever be its source is hinged on a feeling. Insecurity is a feeling of something, either doubt, fear, anxiety. Its not every feeling that we have that we act on. The question is what happened? What was not done right? What is the reason why you were not accepted?

TWTsBlog: So, are you trying to say that when we do experience rejection, in other to handle it and prevent it from becoming an insecurity, we are not to focus on the feeling we have from the rejection but to focus on the “why was I rejected?”

Coach: Oo Yes. Most times when people face rejection, they start to think, dwell on it, feel low, what did I do wrong, I am not good enough and things like that. It further dampens them. You need to dive in better. Go back, work and come back. Sometimes, rejection is not even about you. The cause of the rejection dwells in the person that rejected you. In that case, you just look for a better place and try again. When we are able to articulate all of that, we won’t fall into insecurity because of rejection.

TWTsBlog: Thank you so much. Sometimes, persons feel insecure because of some physical attribute that they have, they can see this physical attribute, they know it is there and sometimes they themselves perceive it in some kind of way. Sometimes, it is not even them, it is other people around that bring these to their attention. How do we deal with insecurities that comes from these?

Coach: A personal story. I have a gap tooth at the side there and this was a problem for me growing up. I can say it now because I now understand and I have walked out of that insecurity. Then, I would not smile with my mouth open because I felt my tooth wasn’t nice, so I close my mouth. Whatever happens, I don’t smile out. Just imagine my nice smile now.

Also, I stutter sometimes and I began to feel that since I stutter, I cannot speak so I avoided debates, I avoided representing my class, quiz, presentation in school because I felt I can’t do it because I stutter at times. Now, look at me, I am a teacher trainer, I coach youths, I coach people on mental health and wellbeing.

TWTsBlog: How did you handle it?
Coach: What you cannot change, you don’t bother about. Physical appearance that you can do nothing about, you do not bother about. Some people may never get slim but they are so bothered about their weight. There’s nothing you can do about it. Be comfortable in your skin, it is you. That’s who you are.

The person that is slim is many times not slim because she chooses to be slim. She has it in her genes, she is ble to be slim. My eye is not white or yours are white. That is you, this is me. It adds to my uniqueness. So, accept yourself, be comfortable in your skin and do not allow anybody talk you down. You have flat nose? Oh, thank you, it is beautiful.

TWTsBlog: For someone that has lived with an insecurity based off of a physical attribute for so long, what practical steps can this person take to start changing the way they see themselves.

Coach: This is simply the mind. You have fed your mind with some information, other people have fed your mind with some information in form of comments, negative criticism and all of that and it has informed your mind to think that being short is a problem, a disadvantage, is negative.

No, your being short is you. Accept it that way. Nobody is perfect in themselves, nobody has it all together. Everybody has something or the other that they wish they had. We are not all made perfect. We are made good. Do you understand me? When God saw creation, He said hmmmm… this is a good work.

Whatever you see yourself as, that is the perfect you. The issue is that there is a mindset formed about what is perfect, the ideal, what should be. No, it is wrong. Nobody made anybody so, there is nothing ideal. You are the ideal you, you are the perfect you. Understand that.

Change those things in your mind, thought process, crush your inner critic. That thing inside you telling you that you’re not enough, this thing is a disadvantage to you, this thing will hinder you, this thing is not good enough for you. No, crush it. Speak back to the inner critic, and tell yourself No, I am perfect like this, my nose, my eyes, my cheeks, my lips is the perfect size to make me beautiful the way I am.

I hope you found this helpful. Please share it with someone that needs to read it.

Much love! Besos!!